by Dr. Shelley Uram on March 23, 2011
I am a psychiatrist and would love to share information with you that people have asked over the years. If you look at the “Categories” column on the right side of this page and all of the other pages, you will see some of the various topic areas. Some of my answers are in video clips, audio clips, and written…let me know what you like best! And of course, send me any questions you are wondering about, or comments you would like to make. I will delete your last name and any identifying information about you.
Also on the right side of this page is a gold and red box; this is an “opt-in” box. If you type in your first name and email address, I will email you each of the blogs as I write them. I will also send other information that may be valuable to you.
This is an educational website and none of my answers are intended to be used as treatment. Consult with an appropriate licensed professional before you make treatment decisions.
Take a look around this website; let me know how I can make it more valuable for you, and please send in your questions or comments!
Bye For Now!
Shelley Uram, M.D.
by Dr. Shelley Uram on August 1, 2011
Dear Doctor Shelley,
I read your blog about dealing with people who get on your nerves. Can you explain a little more about how people value themselves and others?
D.J.
Hi D.J.
In our culture, almost all of us are taught that our value is determined through how we “measure up”, or don’t “measure up”. Some areas could include how we look, dress, the car we drive, school or sport performance, etc. The problem with this is that our sense of value could frequently fluctuate, as how we compare to others can always change. This leaves us sometimes feeling like a roller coaster, with our self-esteem going up and down and up and down….
So what is the truth about Self-Esteem? To begin, this term is a misnomer. Esteem for the self should not be coming from the self. Rather, our esteem should be based upon our “inherent worth”, as described by Pia Mellody in her book “The Intimacy Factor”. I like this term “Inherent Worth”, as it so accurately captures that our ultimate value transcends our personal opinions about ourselves and others.
When we take ourselves out of the day- to-day and moment-to-moment struggles with trying to “measure up” to our ideals and others, we are then free to just “be”, and to do our best. However it turns out, it turns out; Our value is not resting on any outcomes or comparisons. When we try to match our value to what we think our Higher Power wants from us, that becomes our yardstick.
This is extremely freeing.
©Shelley Uram 2011